Sunday, 24 January 2010

Music Lyrics Interpretation #3 - Ke$ha 'Tik Tok'

I have met my new nemesis, and her name has currency in it;

Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy
Put my glasses on, I’m out the door - I’m gonna hit this city

It is pretty hard for me to hate a song within the first line. I mean, really? REALLY? She woke up in the morning feeling like P Diddy? So she feels like a rich black man named Sean? I presume she is using P Diddy as a synonym for 'cool', or as the kidz like to say 'hip'.

Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
Cause when I leave for the night, I ain’t coming back

I can imagine the writers scrutinizing this line;

"Wait, what rhymes with back that she can brush he teeth with?"
"Shut up, Luke. Obviously Jack, cause the kidz love to drink that."
"But isn't it physically impossible to brush your teeth with a large class bottle?"
"OH! And Hackysack was such a great idea?"
"But, I wrote I Kissed a Girl and Girlfriend."
"Your testicles are redundant."

I’m talking - pedicure on our toes, toes
Trying on all our clothes, clothes
Boys blowing up our phones, phones

Pedicure - check. Outfit - check. Random act of terrorism on our cellular telephone device- check.
Girls are always trying to blow up my phone, sometimes they even try to blow up my plane with their shoes! (boots with the fur are optional)

Drop-toping, playing our favorite C.Ds
Pulling up to the parties
Trying to get a little bit tipsy

I bet they don't get a little bit tipsy. You only get a little bit tipsy when you are 13 and you are drinking your Dad's secret vodka stash out of a Coke bottle. I am either sober or completely wrecked, 'a little tipsy' is hard to do. My life is a shallow mess. Touche, Ke$ha Descartes.

Don’t stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I’mma fight
‘Til we see the sunlight

Tick tock, on the clock
But the party don’t stop no
Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh

I think Huey Lewis had it right.

Ain’t got a care in world, but got plenty of beer
Ain’t got no money in my pocket, but I’m already here
Now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick ‘em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger

Is Ke$ha aware that Mick Jagger looks like this?

Or do girls like this? Should the 'sucking air in to aide my exceedingly sweaty pits' be my new Running Man?!

I’m talking about - everybody getting crunk, crunk
Boys trying to touch my junk, junk
Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk
Now, now - we goin’ til they kick us out, out
Or the police shut us down, down
Police shut us down, down
Po-po shut us

Please, Po-po, shut them down. I imagine that party is a collision of chlamydia and sexism. Oh, but don't forget that Ke$ha is cool because she wears 'Garbage Chic' and has a dollar sign in her name. Jokes on you, Ke$ha, the Malaysian Ringgit has been lower than the American Dollar for three consecutive weeks. So there.


  1. Good work, Ian. I await the Vigilant Citizen treatment of these lyrics (eye of Horus in that picture). She is basically the female Fred Durst, right? (They are both assholes.)

  2. Ke£ha is a danger to today's youth. tonight i discovered an epidemic of 12 year-old girls making videos where they act out the lyrics of k€sha's song. THEY SHOULD NOT BE LEARNING TO BRUSH THEIR TEETH WITH MALT WHISKEY. also: eww.

  3. this is hilarious mate. 'your penis is redundant' LOL.

  4. I don't know who you think you are, internet GUY, but me and keesh go way back and if you think her lyrics are so terrible, why don't you try living the life she's led? Clean teeth using only cheap whiskey is not an easy feat. Sure they're sterile, but there's a high sugar content, and the colouring starts to stain...
    you are a heartless fuck and keesh's dirty face has more talent in it that the whole of your face, which is dirty for cummy reasons. Shut it up, you.

  5. Andy Warhol knew this girl who was very beautiful but totally insane, and she would never wash her face, she would just put more and more makeup on and use those thin papers to dab off oil occasionally. He locked her in his bathroom at the Factory to get her to take a bath and instead she just made a long list of all of her lipsticks, written with eyeliner on toilet paper. I feel like that's Ke$ha. WASH YOUR FACE, ¢unt.

  6. "Your testicles are redundant."
    My new favorite quote? Yessssss.

  7. This may literally be the worst song of all time. Ke$#@ is a menace 2 society, the streets.

  8. Abercrombie and Menmenmen as websites? Which one's worse, you decide!

  9. So much applause for this one, boon. Also I feel like it needs to be said that this girl just looks grimey. Very grimey.

  10. I DESPISE Ke$ha. Her voice unbearable! And she loks like she just walked out of a dumpster filled with makeup!